Thursday, July 24, 2008

Soul-mates, is yours out there...

So like most nights I was channel surfing before bed, with a satellite dish and 250 channels you’d think I’d never have to watch repeats, but the big Moe that I am I landed of TBS for pg version of sex and the city. It was one of those episodes about soul mates, charlotte yammering on and on, NEXT. . . I land on the Nanny, same thing different channel, just slightly nasal . . . NEXT, Golden girls, Frasier, Friends. . . Oh Dear Heavens.
The next morning I was getting coffee and bagel on 3rd Ave and there is this woman in from of me ordering 2 breakfast orders ahead of me, and her ‘man’ is by her side holding hands, I took a deep breath and got my bagel and left. As I m walking to Grand central, I see a couple jogging, at 7.45 on Wednesday, oh and yes they are wearing matching outfits. First of all who has time to run before work, and with your significant other, please I’d feel blessed if my significant other didn’t drink all the coffee in the morning before we got ready for work.
Soul-mates, is yours out there...Sounds like the title of the next X-files movie; do we really believe in this theory about another perfect (or imperfect depends what you are looking for) "entity" out there? And if so what planet is he/she/it from? Better yet what planet are you from?
I grew up in a very large and fortunately an uncomfortably close extended family. Besides my folks we had several uncles and aunts and grand parents and all sorts of strangers telling us (the kids in the household) how to live our lives. While I can go on for hours pointing out the torturous days of my childhood, one good thing about having a large extended family was that you could observe lots of couples in a controlled environment. I do have about an average of seven uncles and aunts on each side of my family; I can honestly say none of them were soul-mates; including my folks, all of them worked very hard on a daily basis, and eventually got comfortable with each other.
Granted I did not have any GAY role models growing up, but then who the hell does. It's probably why we set the standards of normalcy so HIGH, but I don't believe this search of soul mates is any less prominent in any of my HOMOSEXUAL friends. Now if there is a "straight" issue all you have to do is add a dash of OCD, a pinch of narcissism, half a bottle of vodka and five bazillion pills of Xanax later you have the gay version of it.
In fact just like our straight counterparts we too seem to be desperately (and then some) looking for a special 3 legged friend. I have a very close set of friends and they range in all different age brackets and tax brackets, but we are all in the same boat when it comes to love or lack there off. This idea is also very prominent in our culture and we are often judged solely on the fact that we are single or as they would say alone. It doesn't matter if you are in school or if you have a degree from Harvard, you might have a great job, or do a lot of social work, might even be nicest person ever, but god forbid if you are ALONE.
Why does every one think you're a loser if you go to the movies alone, or enjoy reading a paper in the park by yourself or take yourself out to lunch? You can't take yourself out to dinner alone because they'll call Bellevue and that's why there are so many takeout joints in Chelsea, talk about stimulating the economy.
In Greek mythology humans originally were combined of four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces, but Zeus feared their power and split them all in half, condemning them to spending their lives searching for the other half to complete them . . . THAT’S NICE. Well this is all fine and dandy but what happens to the rest of us who are happy with themselves, and maybe, just maybe complete on our own.
I recently met a new beau, and yes he is fun and charming and BEAUTIMUS. . . but I hardly think he completes me, or we might be soul mates. So what I should just draw a chalk out line and call CSI. What if I don’t want some one to complete me?
What all these people don’t get is that if you and your significant other love doing the same things then you can NEVER do anything on your own, I love hiking and rollerblading and going to the beach, if my new beau likes one out of the three that more then enough, that way I get some time to be INDEPENDENT. No wonder there is crime, its people trying to get away from their significant other. Besides I have a handful of very close friends and what happens to them when I join the “Stepford” cult, I only see my friend when I need them as it is; now I can’t even do that. I refuse to believe that those are the only options, dating like a robot or being a loser (or single whichever word hurts less).
I would love to say I have NEVER wanted or even fantasized about meeting my soul-mate, I have, we all have, but that’s all it is, a FANTASY. After numerous of relationships and a god only knows how many first dates, somewhere you realize it only exists in Disney movies. This past weekend I spent most of it with my beau watching mindless television and laughing, just having a really amazing time. I didn’t stress about my sixty hr work week or my finances, just relaxed. I have never been this comfortable with any one, while I give him lots of credit for putting up with my neurosis; I also believe you can only be happy with some one if you’re happy with yourself.
And after that if I can enjoy the company of my family and friends, and a significant other, yes that would be nice. . . . My soul mate isn’t some one else, it’s me; I complete MYSELF.

Always and forever,

Tuesday, October 30, 2007